Tsuna's Mom Has Got It Going On
by Roxius
Summary: A series of drabbles where the basic concept is that everyone, including the girls and even some animals, all fall in love with Tsuna's mom! Updates are at random! Please R & R!
1. 597 Gokudera X Nana

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

A/N: I shall call this pairing...597!!

This is just a drabble, really. If I ever tried to write a long fic with this pairing, it would probably end up being a parody of _'The Graduate'_ or something...

* * *

"Boss?! Boss, are you here?!"

Gokudera had only stepped out a half-hour ago to buy some more cigarettes, but when he returned, he was rather surprised to find the Sawada household apparently empty. After wandering around the house for a good five minutes, he overheard the sound of the shower running in the upstairs bathroom. For some reason, Gokudera instantly assumed that it was Tsuna, so he started banging on the door as loud as he could.

"Boss!! If you're in there, tell me!" Gokudera cried. There was no answer. Gokudera pounded even harder.

Suddenly, the door became unlocked due to his knocking, so the silver-haired teen took this chance to barge right in. This was a rather big mistake, as Tsuna was not in the bathroom at all. Instead, it was Tsuna's mother, Nana Sawada, and she was just stepping out of the shower when the bomb-crazy boy came charging in. The moment he looked at her, all of the blood instantly rushed to Gokudera's face; he was able to see EVERYTHING as clear as day. For a woman in her early forties, Nana had a pretty sexy body. Gokudera couldn't help but stare at her perky, round breasts, her creamy-white thighs, her furry p-

"H...Hayato-kun..." Nana was shaking violently, and a shadow became cast over her eyes. That was definitely not a good sign.

Gokudera slowly, and reluctantly, brought his gaze up to Nana's face. "Y...Yes, ma'am?"

"...GET OUT OF HERE!!!" Gokudera was sent flying backwards as a bar of soap collided with his face. He tumbled back out into the hallway, and the the bathroom door was immediately slammed shut. It all happened in a matter of seconds. The soap bar had rubbed against the skin so hard that it actually tore it open, drawing blood in the process.

Wiping the droplets of blood and soap suds off of his face, Gokudera slowly pushed himself onto to his feet, and made his way to the 10th's room. For some reason, he was remaining oddly stoic; even if Nana was the 10th's beloved mother, Gokudera would have at least thrown something of a fit for being hit like that. Instead, he was simply silent, his mind still filled with those vibrant, vivid images...

----------------------------------------------------------

"...Boss?"

"Yeah? What is it, Gokudera-kun?"

"Your parents...they aren't thinking of getting a divorce, are they?"

"No, not as far as I know. Although they're living in separate countries most of the time, they still love each other very much...I doubt they'll ever get a divorce!"

"...Dammit..."

"What was that?"

"Nothing, boss! Nothing at all!!"


	2. 697 Mukuro X Nana

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

A/N: Yeah, now this fic will just be a bunch of drabbles of basically everyone X Nana...ROFL

* * *

Mukuro Rokudo gently closed his eyes as he brought the edge of the tea cup to his lips. He felt a bit calmer as the warm, smooth liquid poured down his aching throat. Placing the cup back onto its cozy, the cerulean-blue-haired man sighed peacefully. He looked over at the young adult woman sitting across from him, and he smiled at her.

"Thank you very much for the coffee, Sawada-san,"

Nana Sawada smiled brightly as she waved it off. "Oh, thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it, Rokudo-kun! You're such a polite boy!!"

"Heh heh..."

Originally, Mukuro had arrived at the Sawada household to simply murder Tsuna and take control of his body, yet his plans had been immediately foiled by Tsuna's mother, who was the one that answered the door. Although Mukuro could have simply used her to kill the Vongola heir, he found himself gratefully accepting her offer to tea and cookies. She was a very kind woman, Mukuro happily noticed; much kinder than his own mother had ever been.

"Would you like another cookie, Rokudo-kun?" Nana offered, holding the tray out to him.

"No thank you," Mukuro shook his head, "They were very delicious, though."

"Thank you! I baked them myself! I was doing the laundry at the same time, so I was afraid I'd make a mistake or something...!!" Nana boasted.

'She's...so cute...'

Mukuro couldn't keep a wide grin from breaking out. "You are...an exceptional mother, Sawada-san..."

"Oh, stop it! I'm not THAT great! No need to flatter me, Rokudo-kun! Hee hee hee!!!"

"...But you are...and you're nothing less than a perfect little gem in this dirty, dirty world of ours..." Slowly, Mukuro placed his hand over hers. A bright shade of scarlet formed on Nana's cheeks. Mukuro was completely mesmerized by her beautiful sapphire eyes. In fact, he was about ready to lean over and kiss her full on the lips, when a familiar voice snapped him back to the painful reality.

"Hey! Mom! Are the cookies done yet?! Lambo's getting fiesty! He's already eaten half of my underwear!!"

Quickly pulling her hand away from Mukuro's, her face still red, Nana turned towards the staircase. "Yes, Tsuna! They're ready! Bring the kids down!" She called back to him. She tuned back to face Mukuro, only to see that the enigmatic young man had vanished. The last of the cookies was gone, and his tea cup was now empty.

Nana didn't say a word about it to her son. Her heart was still beating so fast ever since Mukuro touched her...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I can't believe...I'm supposed to be a master of illusions...so how...so how could I have let myself be caught in her illusion?! And...and yet...such a beautiful illusion it was..."


	3. 187 Hibari X Nana

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

A/N: I just noticed that this splurge of KHR fics is rather similar to an episode I suffered a while ago where all I could write was Code Geass. So, at some point, I'll eventually run out of all ideas I could ever muster for this series...

* * *

Nana Sawada surpressed a screech as she watched the last of the thugs crash to the ground, his face drenched in his own blood. She never in her life dreamed that a group of people might try to mug her. She also never dreamed that a young man wielding a pair of tonfas would have beaten them all down without even breaking a sweat. Nana wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or confused...so she felt both.

"T...Thank you so much!!" She gasped, pushing herself back onto her feet.

"You do not need to thank me," he replied, "I was only paying them back for waking me up from my afternoon nap..."

"Eh? That's why you beat them all into concussions?!"

"Yes...do you have a problem with that?" There was a dangerous look in his eyes now. Nana blanched; was this guy going to beat her up now too?

"Uh...n-no! It's just...uh...well, anyway, I greatly appreciate the help. Thank you! You're a very kind person!!" Nana smiled widely at him, and much to her surprise, the young man's face became bright scarlet. He had never been thanked by a woman before, or by such a pretty woman at that. He could feel his heart pounding violently against his rib cage. This was the first time he had ever felt this way before.

"It's...it's nothing, really...I'll be going now..."

"W-Wait! I...I don't even know your name! I'd at least like to know that much!!"

The young man paused for a moment. "...Hibarik Youya..."

"...Hibarik Youya?"

The man named Hibari Kyouya slapped his palm to his face. 'Oh god! I was so embarrassed that I screwed up my own name!!'

Nana cocked her head to the side, thoroughly lost.


	4. L7 Teen Lambo X Nana

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

A/N: Next two chapters that are most likely to come are Yamamoto and Xanxus, although I could end up doing someone else if I get a new idea...

* * *

Usually, whenever Adult Lambo found himself warped into the past, he would be in the 10th's room, the kitchen, or some strange remote area. Today, though, was completely different. Instead, as he appeared 10 years in the past, he felt a pair of long arms wrapped tightly around him, and someone's face buried in his curly, raven-black hair. It felt kind of nice, actually.

When all of the smoke and dust finally cleared, Lambo realized that he had his face pressed deeply into a woman's cleavage. And that woman...was Nana Sawada, Tsuna's mother and his childhood caretaker. The woman he fell in love with when he was 9 years old.

"WAAAAGH!!!"

"EEK!!!"

Lambo immediately jumped away from Nana, and quickly hid his flushed face behind his hands. "WHAT...WHAT THE HELL WAS I DOING WITH MY HEAD IN YOUR BOOBS?!" he cried, more to himself than to her.

"I...I have no idea!" Nana exclaimed, feeling equally embarrassed, "I was just trying to pull a lollipop out that was stuck in his hair...then he started crying, and he took out a large bazooka, and shot himself...it was...it was all so strange...!"

Eventually, Lambo was able to regain his composure, and brought his arms down to his sides. "Well...uh...I apologize if I made you feel...awkward...or anything..." he muttered, averting his eyes from her adorable gaze. He could still feel the older woman's infinite warmth on his body.

Nana flashed a wide smile. "No, no! It's alright! I was just surprised, that's all! Lambo will be back soon, right?"

"Uh...y...yeah...in five...no, four minutes..."

"Oh, okay..."

The two of them just stood there in total silence for the remaining four minutes, neither of them able to even look each other in the eye. Nana absent-mindedly brushed a few strands of black hair off of her chest, while Lambo kept his eyes glued to the floor. What bothered him the most wasn't the fact he had just physically touched the woman he secretly desired in such a sexual way...

...but because he was going to have to relive this horribly embarrassing moment all over again when his past self grows up!


	5. 807 Yamamoto X Nana

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

* * *

"...That'll be $2.99."

'$2.99? Geez..soft drinks are really going up in price these days...' Yamamoto Takeshi grimaced as he took out his wallet. The cashier, a flabby, grungy old lady in her late 60s, stared intensively at the raven-haired teen's face as he slowly handed her a 5-dollar bill. As soon as he obtained his change and turned his back to the elderly cashier, a shiver crawled up along Yamamoto's spine. He tried to enjoy his lemon-tea soft drink, but it was difficult now that that old lady's wrinkly, lifeless expression was etched into the depths of his mind.

'Ugh...I know it's rude to talk about other people's habits, but...man, I wish she hadn't kept staring at me like that...'

Suddenly, as Yamamoto was stepping through the sliding doors to depart, he heard a shrill, yet very familiar cry come from behind him. Swerving around, he gasped when he saw Nana Sawada, his friend Tsuna's young mother, standing over a torn bag with vegetables, meat, and canned goods strewn all around her feet. It seemed she had made an amateur mistake of placing too many things into one bag all at once.

"Oh...oh dear! That wasn't supposed to happen!" Nana said aloud, pressing her palms to her cheeks in surprise.

Since it didn't seem like any of the passerby, or even the store employees, were going to actually help the poor woman, Yamamoto decided to be the good samaritan he was.

"Umm...Mrs. Sawada, do you need any help?"

Nana's face instantly lit up the moment she saw Yamamoto heading her way. "Ah! You're Takeshi-kun, aren't you? You're one of my son's friends!"

"Yes...yes, I am..."

"You know, I never had a chance to properly thank you for being friends with my son! He's alwayus been a bit of a...loser...and I was afraid he'd end up going through high school without making a single friend-"

Yamamoto forced a tiny smile. "Uh...sorry to interject, but I think it would be best if we gathered up your groceries first,"

"Oh, yes! That's right! Sorry about that!! Well...you don't really need to help if you're busy with something else..."

"Nonsense," Yamamoto shook his head, and grinned, "It would be my pleasure to help a lovely young lady such as yourself!"

Working together, the two of them quickly scooped up the food, and placed it all into two separate bags. Yamamoto even helped carrying the bags back to her car, despite the fact his arms were still a bit sore from baseball practice earlier that day. Nana was smiling the whole way, so glad that someone as kind as Yamamoto had been there to help her.

"Thank you so much, Takeshi-kun!" Nana exclaimed for the umpteenth time after Yamamoto had placed the bags securely in the back seat of the car.

"Anytime, Mrs. Sawada!" Yamamoto chuckled as he rubbed the back of his head. Suddenly, he felt something soft and wet press against his left cheek. It was Nana's lips.

"Thank you...Takeshi-kun..." Nana whispered quietly into the raven-haired boy's ear.

Yamamoto's entire face became bright red.

As he watched her drive off down the road, soon disappearing within the traffic, Yamamoto found himself thinking things he had never once thought about before. His heart was pounding, and the blush had yet to leave his cheeks.

'...Her lips...they were so warm...'


	6. X7 Xanxus X Nana

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

* * *

Xanxus was not exactly sure how he had found himself in such an odd predicament. First, he had met with Tsunayoshi Sawada again after three long years. Then, he met Tsuna's mother, who was probably the most beautiful creature Xanxus had ever laid his eyes on. Finally, a Dying Will bullet was "accidentally" shot into the older woman's forehead, and now she was beating the shit out of him without relent.

"I WILL TEACH YOU NOT TO HURT MY SON WITH THE POWER OF MY DYING WILL!!!" Nana roared, clad only in her underwear, as she slammed her right fist into Xanxus' face, shattering his nose in the process. Apparently, Tsuna had told her about his Mafia life and his battle with the Varia. Squalo, Tsuna, Levi and the others just watched on in total silence. Belphegor was getting a boner.

A mixture of blood and vomit spewed out of Xanxus' mouth as Nana's fists rapidly smashed against his stomach. Her attacks were like a raging whirlwind; there was no way Xanxus could find even a moment to counterattack. He cried out in pain as his right arm was twisted backwards until it snapped, leaving it hanging useless by his side. She even smacked him around with her boobs for the hell of it.

In the end, an uppercut, two right hooks, a left hook, a headbutt, and a kick to a groin was all it took to send Xanxus crashing to the floor in a puddle of his own bodily fluids. Everyone was speechless...well, more speechless than they already were, anyway. The flames on Nana's head slowly dissipated, and she let out a gasp of surprise.

"Oh...oh my god! I'm...I'm...I'm so sorry!!!"

"Don't even bother trying to talk to him, lady," Squalo grunted as he lifted Xanxus' heavy body over his shoulders, "This bastard's out cold...you did a number on him, for sure."

"W-Well...please apologize to him for me when he wakes up later, okay?"

"...Fine..."

* * *

When Xanxus regained consciousness about five hours later, the first thing he did was punch Squalo in the face.

"GAH! WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR?!!" The silver-haired man cried, clutching his face.

"Because...my instincts tell me to," Xanxus grunted as he sat up. Most of the blood on his body had dried already.

"I-INSTINCTS...?!!" growled Squalo.

As Lussuria was pressing a wet cloth against Xanxus' head wound, Levi stepped up to the two of them and asked, "So, boss...what do you think of the Vongola's mother? A real bitch, ain't she?"

Xanxus blinked once, and his cheeks began to glow brightly for the first time in ages. "...I think I'm in love..."

The other members of Varia gasped in perfect unison. 'THAT'S...UH, THE LAST THING WE EXPECTED TO HEAR YOU SAY!!!'


	7. 967 Chrome X Nana

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

A/N: You can kinda tell I didn't put too much work into this one...

* * *

"K...Konnichiwa, Mrs. Sawada! Is...is the boss here at this moment in time?"

Nana Sawada smiled sweetly at the young eye-patch-wearing girl standing on her doorstep. "...Who are you talking about, honey?"

"T...T...Tsunayoshi Sawada-san!" Chrome Dokuro stammered back. This was the first time she had ever met Tsuna's mother, and she was a bit overwhelmed by how beautiful she was. She had been captivated by other lovely girls before (i.e. Kyoko and Haru), but this...this was completely different.

"Hmm...you're looking for my son? Whatever for? Are you the girlfriend he's been keeping from me?" Nana joked.

"NO! N-NO, I'M NOT!! I'M...I'M JUST HIS GUARDIAN!!" Chrome cried, her face flushed.

"Guardian, huh? Takeshi-kun and Hayato-kun said the same sort of thing...'guardian' must be some new hip lingo for 'friend' or something..." Nana muttered to herself, her eyes looking off into the distance as she pondered on this.

"...Is he here?" Chrome asked again to get back on the original topic of conversation.

Nana shook her head. "I'm sorry, honey, but he's out with his friends right now. I'll let him know you came by, though..."

Chrome shuffled her feet nervously for a moment; she knew she was about to make a rather bold move. "Can...can I wait inside with you until he comes back?"

"Sure! Of course you can! Please come right on in!!"

Nana lead Chrome over into the kitchen, and offered her a seat at the table. As the bluenette sat down, Nana rushed back to the counter. She dug through the cabinets for supplies needed to treat her unexpected guest.

"Would you like some tea? Or maybe coffee?" the older woman inquired.

Chrome, whose single working eye was glued to Nana's shapely ass, replied with a quick, "Sure...thank you very much...I'd like that..."

Looking around the room very slowly, Chrome noticed a small framed photo hanging on the wall just across from her. It was a picture of Nana and a rather rugged-looking man. Seeing it made Chrome's heart ache.

"...Is this you and your husband, Mrs. Sawada?" she asked casually, pointing over at the photo.

Nana nodded. "Yes. That's my husband and I when we were on our honeymoon. He may look a bit rough, but he's a kind, caring family man. He disappeared about two years ago, though..."

"...Disappeared?"

"Yes. Without a word." Nana didn't seem to have any trouble speaking about her missing husband, which made Chrome fall all the more in love with her.

'She's so strong, being able to continue her work as a mother, despite the fact that the man she loved is now gone...' Chrome thought. All of the sudden, this urge came upon her...a powerful urge...an immense urge...to comfort this woman in any way possible. She wanted to do something for her. Something that won't make her feel so alone anymore.

"...Here's your tea," Nana said quietly as she placed the tea cup down in front of Chrome. In that same instant, Chrome realized just what she had to do. It was so obvious, really. She just had to...

"MMMPH!!!"

Before Nana could even properly react, Chrome's lips had passionately smashed against hers. She tasted like pineapples. The older woman tried to move, but she found herself to be paralyzed as Chrome's tongue moved around in her mouth. Chrome wrapped her arms tightly around Nana's waist, and deepened the kiss.

The cup of tea was soon left forgotten on the table.


	8. 1007 Byakuran X Nana

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

A/N: I'm starting to like Byakuran and the fake Funeral Wreaths alot more all of the sudden...especially Genkishi and Glo Xinia.

SO...YOU GET THIS.

The next chapters will, most likely, be Ryohei, and then Kyoko.

* * *

After thinking it over for quite a while, Tsuna let out a heavy sigh. "I know he's done alot of horrible things, but...is Byakuran truly as evil as they say?"

"What are you getting at?" Reborn asked.

"I mean...it's really hard to take him seriously when he's always smiling like that,"

"Do you literally think that? I mean...he tried to have you and everyone you care about killed multiple times,"

"Yeah...but...I need something that'll really motive me!! Even more than I already am!!!"

Reborn sighed, a shadow casting over his eyes. "...I was afraid you'd say that."

"Why?" Tsuna replied.

"Because...I'd have to show you this to convince you otherwise..."

Reaching into his pocket, Reborn took out a series of photos. Tsuna took the photos into his hands and looked them over. His jaw dropped, and all of the color drained from his face. They were all pictures of Byakuran and his mother engaging in vaginal, anal and oral intercourse. AND GENKISHI WAS WATCHING THEM DO IT.

"What he did basically classifies as consented rape...if that makes sense..."

"..."

"...Do you hate him now, Tsuna?" Reborn inquired.

For a moment, Tsuna said nothing, his body shaking violently all over. Then, he tore the photos in half with his bare hands. His eyes appeared to be glazed over with rage.

"I'M GONNA DESTROY THAT MOTHERFUCKER."

Reborn have a thumbs-up. "That's the Vongola spirit!!"


	9. Ryo7 Ryohei X Nana

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

* * *

"Extreme...extreme...extreme..."

Ryohi Sasagawa muttered his age-old chant over and over under his breath as he jogged down the street early that freezing morning. Every breath he let out caused a burst of misty air to escape from his lips. Cold beads of sweat were trickling down his face and neck. He threw a quick jab in the air with every three steps he took. After having gone around the block at least three times already, Ryohei felt like his lungs were on fire. That was exactly the sort of thing he was looking for.

"EX...TREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEME!!!"

"...Sasagawa-kun! What are you doing?!"

Ryohei whipped his head to the right, and saw Tsuna's mother Nana Sawada glaring at him from her bedroom window. She didn't look especially happy, although her messy bed hair made her a bit more difficult to take seriously.

"Uh...good morning, Mrs. Sawada!" Ryohei cheerfully waved.

"What the heck do you think you're doing so early in the morning, shouting 'Extreme' at the top of your lungs like that...?!!" Nana snapped back at him. Ryohei was a bit taken aback; he had never once seen Tsuna's mother in sour mood like this before.

"I'm...I'm sorry...TO THE EXTREME!!" Ryohei bowed his head as far as he could.

Nana sighed into her hand. "Look...just...just be quiet, okay? Some people are still trying to sleep, you know..."

"Yes...yes, I understand...I apologize to the extreme..."

"Alright then..." And with that, Nana slammed the window shut, and Ryohei continued on his way.

'Wow!' the white-haired boxer thought, grinning from ear to ear, 'SHE IS EXTREMELY HOT WHEN SHE'S ANGRY!!!'


	10. K7 Kyoko X Nana

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

A/N: I apologize for the last few chapters...they weren't very good.

This one isn't all that good, either, but please review to tell me what you think!!

* * *

Tsuna was busy putting away his books for the day when Kyoko stepped up to his desk.

"Hey, Tsuna-kun! Heading home?" she asked.

Tsuna nodded his head, his cheeks glowing brightly. "Y-Yeah...umm...how about you?"

"Well, I'm not doing anything after school...could I come over to your place for a bit?"

"W-WHAT?!" For a moment, Tsuna thought he was dreaming. Did...did Kyoko really ask to come over to his house?

"I said...could I come over?"

"S-S-Sure!! Of...of course you can come over, Kyoko-chan!! It'd be my p-pleasure!!" Tsuna cried, barely able to contain his own excitement.

Kyoko hesitated for about 2 seconds before she asked, "...Your mother will be there, right?"

"Uh...yeah, I think so..."

"Alright, then! Let's go!!"

* * *

As soon as Tsuna and Kyoko stepped into the house, they were immediately confronted by Nana, Tsuna's beautiful, yet somewhat naive mother. "Welcome home, Tsu - Oh...what's this?! You brought a GIRL home with you...!!"

Tsuna sighed. "Mom...please don't act so surprised. You'll embarrass me in front of Kyoko-chan,"

"Oh! Sorry, sorry! It's just...oh, I'm so proud of you, honey!!"

"MOOOOOOOOM...!!!"

Fortunately for Tsuna, Kyoko was too busy being captivated by Nana's beautiful features to have heard anything that was just said.

"Hey, Kyoko...are you alright? We're gonna head upstairs for a bit..." Kyoko snapped out of her mesmerized state when she heard Tsuna say her name. Reluctantly, she tore her eyes away from the older woman, and gave Tsuna a warm, friendly smile.

"Yes...I'm...I'm fine."

As she followed Tsuna up the staircase, Kyoko turned her head to get one more look at Nana. She had never seen a more attractive woman in her entire life. This was probably what some people called 'love at first sight', she thought to herself.

"So...your mom...is she single, Tsuna-kun?" Kyoko asked upon entering Tsuna's messy bedroom. Reborn was busy snoozing away in the corner with his pajamas on, a small snot-bubble flowing out of his tiny nose. The brown-haired boy took a seat on the edge of his bed before replying to Kyoko's inquiry.

"No...it's just that my dad's been overseas for the last two years, mining for oil or something..." Tsuna explained, shaking his head.

"Really...?" Kyoko's eyes grew wide.

"Yeah, apparently he told her to just believe that he disappeared or something, since it was more ROMANTIC...I don't understand my parents at all..."

"What?!" That made Kyoko extremely pissed off for some reason, "You mean he just ABANDONED her, and expected her to be happy about it?! He didn't even think about how she might feel, being denied any sort of sexual contact with her beloved husband for two whole years?!!"

"Uhhhh..." Tsuna gave Kyoko a look of pure disbelief, "What...are you talking about, Kyoko-chan...?"

Kyoko immediately waved it off; she had accidentally let her true feelings come forth for a moment there. "Nothing, nothing...umm, is there anything else about your mom you wouldn't mind telling me, Tsuna-kun?"

"Well...she's a pretty good cook, I suppose, and she likes to go shopping for food alot, especially now that Bianchi, I-pin and Lambo live here, so she has to make even MORE meals."

"What about her hobbies? Her favorite food? Things that she doesn't like?" Kyoko wanted to know as much as she could about Nana.

Tsuna raised an eyebrow. "Kyoko-chan...it's odd, but I think that ever since we got here, you've done nothing but talk about my mom..." he said rather slowly.

Kyoko blinked once, then twice. She knew what she had to do now; it was her only possible way of being with Nana. "...I have to go use the bathroom..."

"It's the door on the right at the end of the hall."

"Okay. Thank you."

Without another word, Kyoko rushed out the door, slamming it loudly behind her. Tsuna sighed; this was definitely not the Kyoko he knew and loved. Why was she acting so strange? Why did she care so much about his mother? What the hell was going on?!!

Suddenly, about five minutes later, Tsuna's pondering was cut short when a loud screech jolted him to his feet.

"W-WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?!!"

"Why don't you go find out?" Reborn asked, now fully awake and dressed in his traditional mafia suit.

Dashing out into the hallway, Tsuna heard the scream yet again, and he realized it was coming from downstairs.

"S...Stop!!" cried a voice; Tsuna immediately recognized it as his mother's.

"MOM!!!" With incredible bravado that was quite unlike his usual timid self, Tsuna leaped down the entire case of stairs, and practically barrel-rolled into the kitchen. Jumping back to a stand, the young teenage boy was about ready to face off against his mother's attacker...

...when he saw that the 'attacker' was in fact Kyoko Sasagawa, who was, or so it appeared, attempting to rape the older woman.

"I...I just can't hold back anymore!! I'm so sorry!! I...I need to taste you!!!" Kyoko wailed as she unsnapped Nana's bra.

Nana didn't seem to happy about it. "WAAAAAH!!! YOU...YOU PERVERTED GIRL!!! LET GO OF ME!"

"NO! YOU ARE THE FIRST PERSON I'VE EVER LOVED!! LOVE ME BACK!!! LOVE ME BACK!!!"

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH~!!!"

At that moment, Tsuna wished he could just shoot himself in the head right then and there, but he knew that if he did that, he would simply come back to life with Dying Will.

"Tsuna...your mother and the girl you have a crush on are engaging in illicit homosexual activities!" little Lambo pointed out.

"Yes, Lambo...I know...I know..."


	11. Luss7 Lussuria X Nana

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

A/N: This is actually more of a 'friendship' drabble than a 'romance' one, but whatever...it makes more sense this way.

* * *

_One Sunday night at the Sawada household..._

"Tsuna...I just wanted to let you know that an old college friend of mine is coming over for dinner tonight, okay?"

Glancing up from his Weekly Shonen Jump magazine, Tsuna gave his mother a rather incredulous look. "..College friend?"

"Yes! Although I only met him in my last year of college, and I was a senior while he was a foreign-exchange student from Italy, he taught me how to cook, as well basically everything else that I know as of today on how to be a mother! I owe him so much!!"

'Wow...he sounds like a total queer...' Tsuna thought to himself, rolling his eyes.

"He's a bit...gay, Tsuna, so please...watch what you say, alright?" Nana continued, confirming Tsuna's earlier thought on the visitor's sexual orientation.

"Don't worry, mom...I've been around homosexuals before; I'm not gonna say anything I shouldn't..." As he said this, Tsuna thought about all of the gay people he'd met in his life: Gokudera, Yamamoto, Hibari, Dino, Chrome, Kyoko, Mukuro, Squalo, Xanxus, Belphegor, Levi, Longchamp Naito, Basil, and many others. He was beginning to wonder if being gay is required in the mafia.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. "Ahh! That must be him now!!" Nana cried, immediately rushing downstairs to greet her guest.

Tsuna sighed, tossing his magazine over his shoulder as he followed his mother down to the front door. The person standing there, hugging Nana as he gave her a kiss on the cheek, was probably the last person Tsuna had ever expected.

It was Lussuria.

"Oh, Nana-chan, it's so wonderful, getting to see you again after so many years!!! I've really missed you, babe!!!" The green-mohawked man cried.

"I missed you so much too, Luss-chan!"

Tsuna was completely flabbergasted; THIS GUY was his mother's old friend from college?

"Luss-chan, I'd like you to meet my son, Tsunayoshi!!" Nana exclaimed, motioning over to Tsuna, who was frozen to the spot by pure shock.

A playful smirk formed on Lussuria's plump lips. "Oh...that boy...so he's your son, Nana-chan? How odd that I would have seen him before, and not realize! I mean...he looks just like you!!"

'I...I DO?!' Tsuna thought, totally caught off-guard.

"Anyway," Nana quickly interjected, "Tell me, Luss-chan...what have you been up to these past few years?"

"Oh, well, wouldn't you know, I've started a family of my own!" Lussuria chuckled.

"Oh my god! Really?! Tell me all about them, Luss-chan!!!"

"Well, I'm the mother of course! I clean the house, cook the food, and make sure everyone wakes up early for a nice jog around the block each morning! I have a wonderful husband; he's a bit moody sometimes, and he likes to stay in his room and polishes his guns most of the day, but he has a hidden sweet side that only few know of. We have four wonderful boys, too! One of them's much younger than the others, and he likes wearing tiny black robes most of the time. There's another one who insists on letting his hair grow out, one who looks up to his father quite obsessively, and our second-youngest child, who has a rather bad habit of playing with knives...but he's growing out of it! I mean it! He is!!!"

Nana forced a tiny smile. "Oh...oh my..."

Sweat drops began to trickle down Tsuna's face. 'He's talking about the other Varia members...'

"Anyway," Lussuria stretched his arms over his head, "Shall we have dinner now, Nana-chan?"

"Ah! Yes! Please follow me!!"

As he watched the two of them speedily head into the kitchen, Tsuna couldn't help but feel a bit uncomfortable...


	12. 847 Basil X Nana

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

A/N: I don't know much about how to write in Basil's old-style wording, so he's gonna be talking normally...

* * *

"My sweet cheery tree blossom..."

"..."

"I've admired you from afar for the longest of times..."

"..."

"I dream of tasting your luscious, pink lips..."

"..."

"I dream of running my hands along your soft, creamy thighs..."

"...What...?"

"I dream of living a life with you and you alone..."

"..."

"I know you are the wife of my boss, and you love each other very much..."

"...Uh-huh..."

"But my feelings for you will never change, no matter what happens..."

"..."

"I would swim through entire oceans, jog across vast deserts, climb over immense mountains...all for you."

"..."

"I've seen hundreds of beautiful women in my lifetime, but you...you are an angel in human skin..."

"..."

"I think about you every second of every day, and I'm afraid...if I don't get these feelings off my chest soon...I'll lose what little sanity I have left..."

"..."

"Anyway, what I'm trying to say, Nana Sawada...is that I love you..."

"..."

"...Nana?"

"...That's very sweet of you to call me and tell me all of that, Basil-kun, but I really need to get going now! My husband is taking me out to dinner tonight! Good-bye!"

"W-Wait! Nana!! I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU THAT I - dammit, she hung up..."


	13. Gen7 Genkishi X Nana

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

A/N: In honor of Genkishi and his tragic passing in the manga recently, he shall get his turn at attempting to woo the unbreakable will that is Nana Sawada!!!

Although...this isn't an attempt...

* * *

Genkishi opened his eyes. He saw nothing but pure white; perpetual emptiness as far as the eye could see. He was dead.

'I'm...dead?'

Genkishi pressed his hand to his chest. He had no heartbeat. His armor was gone, as were all his clothes. He was nothing more than a naked soul, forced to drift in a sea of loneliness for the rest of eternity. He closed his eyes, and sighed. He was dead. Killed under the orders of the man he had trusted most. Killed by the man he considered 'God'.

'Byakuran-sama...'

There was no point in fooling himself any longer. He understood everything now. Byakuran-sama only saw him as a pawn to be disposed of when his usefulness reached its end. He wanted to cry, but no tears would come. In fact, he felt totally indifferent to this core-shaking revelation. Deep down, he had truly always suspected it, but he was too naive and unwilling to believe that such a horrible reality could be true. Yet...it was true. Every word of it. Kikyou was right.

Genkishi opened his eyes again. He no longer thought of Byakuran-sama. Another face appeared in his mind, as vivid of an image as the day they had met. It was a woman. She had chin-length light-brown hair, beautiful amber eyes, and a cheerful disposition that almost seemed unreal in such sordid times like these. She was, for a time, his first and only lover.

Only she and Byakuran-sama had mattered most in his life. However, he had allowed himself to become blinded by Byakuran-sama's ideals, and after a rather violent argument one night, she left him, and he never saw her again. That woman had tried to save him multiple times, but he had been too stubborn to listen. He wished, at the last moments of his life, he could have apologized to her. Or, at least, apologized to her through her young son.

'I'm sorry...Nana Sawada...I love you...'

Slowly, Genkishi began to fade into the white, eventually vanishing into complete nothingness...


	14. 277 Tsuna X Nana

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

A/N: I think one of the main reasons I like Reborn so much is because it's just so original compared to some of the other Jump series...

Also, MAMA77's typing is purposely written like that. Hopefully you can understand it.

* * *

- MAMA77 - Hi Tuna27! Nice 2 see u logged on LOL! How R U 2day? It a school dai right? How wuz it?

- Tuna27 - Yeah, it's a school day. It wasn't very good, though. I got hit in the back of the head with a volleyball...again.

- MAMA77 - Owch LOL U okay?

- Tuna27 - Yeah, I'm fine. The guy apologized, but I'm pretty sure I heard him snickering when I turned my back, though. Besides that, my day was alright...what about you?

- MAMA77 - Oh, u know, takin care of te house and such. I just cooked dinner 4 mi sun a moment ago.

- Tuna27 - Really? I wish I could taste your cooking. I bet you're really good at it.

- MAMA77 - LOL Ur so funni Tuna27 I wish we could meet in rl...

- Tuna27 - Yeah. Me too. I mean...we've been in this cyber relationship for a few months right?

- MAMA77 - 4 months I tink

- Tuna27 - Uh huh. I think you're right. Still...meeting up in real life would be a problem...

- MAMA77 - ROFL Sorry 2 go off-topic, butt...U typ so neatly Tuna27 ROFL

- Tuna27 - LOL you're right. I wonder why? Anyway, back to what I was saying...so you're SURE your husband has no idea that you've been talking to me, right?

- MAMA77 - O course Im sure! He works oversees, and I dont see him much.

- Tuna27 - Oh, that's good. I'm a timid sort of person, and I'd probably be torn limb from limb if he found out about us!!

- MAMA77 - Don't worry Tuna27! I won't tell no1! Srsly! I luv u 2 much to risk lose u!

- Tuna27 - I love you too.

- MAMA77 - Oh! Gotta go! Doorbell ringin! Must be those new shoes I orderd! See U l8er Tuna! LOL

- Tuna37 - Right. See you...

* * *

Sighing, Tsuna closed the window on his desktop, and leaned back in his chair. 'I never thought I'd actually be in a secret relationship with a married woman with such poor grammar skills...I better make sure not to let mom find out!'

Meanwhile, downstairs, as Nana Sawada was signing a form for the new shoes, a single thought went through her mind: 'I never thought I'd actually be in a secret relationship with a high-school boy with such neat typing skills...I better make sure not to let Tsuna find out!'


	15. D7 Dino X Nana

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

A/N: Vote on the new poll I put up to decide who I should write for in the next chapter!

* * *

"Oh god...I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry..." Dino said yet again as he pressed the ice bag to Nana's right eye. It was completely swollen. Dino had never felt so horrible in his entire life. He had inadvertently injured a young woman, something he had sworn at a young age that he would never do. Still, choosing to show off his skills with the whip without any of his henchmen around to keep him in line was probably not one of his best ideas.

"It's...it's not your fault, Dino-kun," Nana quietly replied, forcing a tiny smile, "I was standing too close...I was careless..."

Dino could barely even bring himself to look at her; he just felt so terrible. "Is there anything...anything at all...I can do to make it up to you? Anything?!"

"...No...you don't need to make it up to me, Dino-kun; it's fine..."

"No," Dino shook his head, "No, it's not. I have harmed a pure, innocent soul. I must do something to prove that I acknowledge my guilt, and that 'something' is by performing a certain service to the one I had so cruelly wronged!"

Nana grinned. "Oh...well, you're a very dedicated person, aren't you? I think I'm starting to really like you alot, Dino-kun...hee hee..."

The blonde man's face became as red as a tomato. 'I...I like you too...Nana...' he wanted to say that, but he just couldn't. It would be a wasted effort, anyway; she was married to one of the top men in the Vongola family, for Christ's sake! Not only that, but she was much older. As painful as it was for Dino to accept, their love would never work out.

"If you insist so much on making it up to me, then...can you pay all of my bills this month?" Nana asked.

Dino nodded. "Yes, I can!"

"Can you give little Lambo a bath? And clean that dirty cow suit of his?"

"Yes, I can!"

"Teach I-Pin how to speak fluent Japanese in several dialects?"

"Yes, I can!"

"Find my son a nice girlfriend?"

"I would, ma'am...but all of the girls we know of are flaming lesbians,"

"...Really? Even that girl Kyoko-chan? The one Tsuna is always going on and on about?"

"Yup. She's dating the Mist Guardian."

"Hmm. Well, I appreciate you doing all of those other things, then!"

"N...No problem...Nana..."

For the rest of the week, Dino and his men were constantly going in and out of the house, taking care of every little thing possible. For Dino, it was all in the name of unrequited love. For his men, it was just another day at work.


	16. Cervello7 Cervello Twins X Nana

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

A/N: On the poll, I guess I exaggerated a bit...there's not actually going to be any sexy lesbian threesome, because then I'd have to bump this fic's rating up to M, and that's not supposed to happen.

Sorry, but it ain't happening!! I mean, this one has some petty sex-talk in it, but not enough to make it M...!!!

* * *

Cervello Twin #1 clung tightly onto Nana's left arm. "She's mine. I love her."

Cervello Twin #2 clung just as tightly onto Nana's right arm. "No. She's mine. I lover her more."

"You are incorrect. I love her more than you do."

"You are the one who is incorrect. I am the one who loves her most."

"No, you're wrong. It's me."

"Actually, you're the one who's wrong. It's me."

"Shut up. You're wrong."

"You're the one who's wrong. So stop trying to prove otherwise."

Nana forced a nervous smile. "Ah, heh heh...can't I be both of yours?"

The two girls both glared ominously at the older woman. "No, you cannot. Only one of us may have you." they replied simultaneously.

Nana sighed; how did she end up in such a situation in the first place? "Well, uh...I can't possibly decide between the two of you, because...no offense...you both look exactly the same!"

"Ah! We may look the same," the Cervello twins remarked at the exact same time, "But our personalities are very different!!!"

"...Really?"

"Yes. I am, in fact, the better of the two in bed." Cervello Twin #2 spoke up.

Cervello Twin #1 gasped. "You are not. Take that back."

"Why take back what's true?"

"Just because XANXUS fucked you twice does not mean that you are better in bed than me."

"Yes it does."

"No, it does not."

"Yes...it does."

"No...it doesn't."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Unlike with you, he didn't use the lube when he did me."

"Liar."

Not wanting to see a fight break out, Nana stepped in between the two girls and exclaimed, "Look! Please stop arguing over something so meaningless! Why can't I like both of you?! You're both wonderfully sweet girls, and I can clearly see that you are both deeply infatuated with me! So...can't we work this out in a peaceful manner like sensible human beings?"

"Hmm..." Cervello Twin #2 thought for a moment, "How about this? We both fuck you senseless right now, and whoever you think did a better job at making you come wins."

"I like that idea." Cervello Twin #1 nodded in agreement.

Nana nearly choked on her own saliva. "...Huh?!"

Before the housewife could even properly react, the Cervello twins immediately pounced upon her, and began tearing off her clothes at a feverish pace. They wasted no time in groping at the older woman's round breasts and plump ass, feeling up every inch of the soft flesh. Nana mewled softly as the twins' tongues ran up and down the surface of her skin, nipping and sucking lightly in between gentle kisses. Surges of electric ecstasy flowed through every nerve in her body. There was nothing Nana could do to stop them; but in fact, she wanted this more than anything.

All the while, Tsunayoshi Sawada simply stood in the kitchen doorway with a bewildered look on his face.


	17. 487 Spanner X Nana, with All X Nana hint

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

A/N: I feel like I've been shot by the Desolation Bullet alot lately...without the side-effect of taking my clothes off, of course...

* * *

Tsuna - "Ugh...have you finished those contact lenses for the X-Burners yet, Spanner?"

Spanner - "Not yet, Tsunayoshi-kun...be a little patient..."

Tsuna - "Hmph..."

Spanner- "...Tsunayoshi-kun?"

Tsuna - "Yeah?"

Spanner - "What are your mother's three sizes?"

Tsuna - "...wut..."

Spanner - "I forgot to ask for them last time we slept together..."

Tsuna - "Oh, okay! Her bust size is - WAIT, WHAT THE HECK?!!!"

Spanner - "C'mon, Tsuna-kun...spill it!"

Tsuna - "H-Hell no !! I mean...what the hell did you mean when you said you two slept together?!!!"

Spanner - "I meant exactly what I said."

Tsuna - "OH MY GOD!!! DUDE, THAT'S MY MOM!!!"

Spanner - "Yeah? Everyone and their dog is in love with your mother, Tsuna! Even YOU'RE in love with her!"

Tsuna - "No way!!!"

Spanner - "Yes way! I mean, think about it...who the hell do you think that older woman, MAMA7, you've been chatting with on the Internet for the past few months really is...?"

Tsuna - ".........................................................................OH MY GOD."

Spanner - "I'm glad you finally understand the true power that is your sex-bomb of a mom. Now...tell me her sizes..."

Tsuna - "Huh? I don't know her sizes. I was just making up shit."

Spanner - "..."

Tsuna - "..."

Spanner - "...I HIT YOU WITH WRENCH!"

Tsuna - "ZUH?!"

*Spanner hits Tsuna with wrench*


	18. Jiro7 Jiro X Nana

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn! I don't own the Viewtiful Joe series.

A/N: Well, Spanner did say that 'everyone and their dog' was in love with Nana, after all...

Also, just in case you ever wondered, the reason Spanner knew about Tsuna unknowingly forming a romantic online relationship with his mo, was because the same thing happened to him as a kid, and he figured that it tended to happen to every awkward young youth in life...

* * *

"Grrr...goddammit, Pikachu! Stop being so confused and use Thunder on the frickin' Charizard!!"

Tsuna's hate-fueled rant aimed towards his Pokemon Diamond game was suddenly interrupted when his cellphone began to ring. Sighing, the brown-haired boy put his game on paused and answered the phone.

"...Yeah?"

"Hey, Tsuna!" It was Yamamoto's voice on the other line.

"Oh, hey, Yamamoto! What's up?"

Yamamoto paused for a moment. "Well, uh...I was wondering if I could come over for a bit..."

"Huh? You want to hang out?"

"Actually, there's something I want to make sure of..."

"...Make sure of?"

"Yeah, so can I come...?"

"...Uh, okay...come on over..."

Yamamoto chuckled. "Thanks! I'm bringing Jiro over with me! See ya soon!" And with that, he hung up.

Tsuna sighed as he snapped his cellphone shut. "That guy," he muttered, "He's the only one who's actually treating his Box Animals like real pets...they're just weapons..."

"That's quite a cold-hearted thing for you to say, Tsuna." Reborn remarked. He was dressed in a similar fashion to Viewtiful Joe for no explicable reason.

Tsuna winced at the baby's words. "Yeah...you're right...they ARE animals, not weapons..."

"No, that's a good thing you just said, about them being only weapons. You're talking like a true mafia boss now."

"Ugh..."

Yamamoto and Jiro arrived about ten minutes later, having gone at a brisk running pace. The sword-wielding dog let out a pleasant bark upon seeing Tsuna opening the door for them. Yamamoto gave the shorter boy a pat on the shoulder, and grinned.

"Hey, Tsuna...is your mom here? I need her..."

Tsuna sighed, looking rather dejected. "Yeah...you and everyone else in this entire town...she's in the kitchen, okay?"

"Thanks!! C'mon, Jiro! We're gonna go see Nana-chan!"

Jiro immediately perked up upon hearing the name 'Nana-chan', and his fluffy tail wagged wildly back and forth as he followed Yamamoto into the kitchen. Wondering about just what it was that Yamamoto had planned, Tsuna walked close behind the two of them. Nana was sitting at the table, reading the paper, when they entered.

"Look! It's Nana-chan, Jiro! It's Nana-chan!!" Yamamoto exclaimed in a high-pitched voice, and the moment the dog caught sight of Nana, it made an immediate dash for her. Nana had barely looked up from the newspaper when the Akita Inu tackled her to the floor. Yamamoto sighed heavily in disappointment.

"...I knew it..."

"...Knew what?" Tsuna asked.

"Jiro is in love with your mom..."

"GAWD!!!"


	19. Tori7 Torikabuto X Nana

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn! I do not own the lyrics of the song (written by The Turtles) that is sung by Torikabuto either. Because...he's just that awesome. Seriously, the fact he's actually not defeated makes me love him again.

A/N: Tsuna and Torikabuto will be BFFS! You just know it's gonna happen...!!!!

...Either that, or the poor kid's gonna get raped... -_-;

I gotta make another Chrome X Kyoko fic at some point, too...but probably not until AFTER I finish this drabble-series.

* * *

"O Sorrowful Being...how I love thee with all of my empty shell of a soul..."

Tsunayoshi Sawada and his mother Nana Sawada turned to see a tall cloaked figure wearing an oni mask standing before them. It was Torikabuto, one of the six Funeral Wreaths.

"Uh...which one were you talking to?" Tsuna and Nana asked at the same time.

Torikabuto slowly raised a gloved hand, and pointed at Nana. "Her."

Tsuna let out a loud sigh of relief. Nana, however, was less than pleased; she didn't even know this freak, for Christ's sake!

Getting down on one knee, Torikabuto held out a small, glimmering ring in his palm. "This is for you, my sweet love...it is empowered by the mists of Hell itself...I give it to you..."

Nana shook her head. "I don't want it."

"Take it."

"No!"

"I'll stick it in your purse the moment you look away!!"

Nana clutched her purse tightly to her chest, her eyes wide with fear. Tsuna had already gone off to check out the fishes at the small pet shop nearby.

"I...I don't want your ring!!" Nana cried, "I...I...I don't even know you!!"

"Ah, but **I** know **YOU**, O Sorrowful Being," Torikabuto wheezily replied, "I know you quite well...quite well indeed...more than the average man should know regarding such a lovely lady like yourself..."

Nana blanched. 'IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE A FLATTERING COMMENT...?!!'

Torikabuto get back on his feet, and begun to sing rather familiar song: "Imagine me and you...I do...I think about you day and night...it's only riiiight...to think about the girl you love, and hold her tight...so happy togetheeeeeeeer..."

"Uh..." Nana cringed; she was really getting psyched out now.

"If I should call you up...invest a dime...and you say that you belong to me, and ease my mind...imagine how the world could be so very fine...so happy togetheeeeeer..."

Unable to listen any longer, Nana spun around on the curve of her heel and went dashing off to find a security guard.

"I CAN'T SEE ME LOVIN' NOBODY BUT YOU...FOR ALL MY LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE!!!! WHEN YOU'RE WITH ME, BABY, THE SKIES WILL BE BLUE...FOR ALL MY LIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE!!!!!"

In the end, Torikabuto was the first Funeral Wreath in history to ever be thrown out of a mall...


	20. Bian7 Bianchi X Nana

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

A/N: I seem to be running out of ideas...so this fic might be coming to a close soon, unfortunately.

* * *

"Mmm...oh...oh, Bianchi...this...this is..."

Tsuna immediately froze on the spot when he heard those words come from within his mother's bedroom. He knew it wasn't his business, but the way his mother spoke in a low moan like that, and how she mentioned Bianchi's name...it enticed him to listen further. He gently pressed his ear against the door, and waited.

"Come on...stop squirming, Mrs. Sawada...I can't get in if you don't let me..."

"I...I know...but...ahh...ahh..."

"Yes...oh, yes...that's much better..."

"Oooooh..."

A shiver crawled up Tsuna's spine. 'No...there's just no way...it's obvious that they're not having sex...they're...they're just making alot of ridiculous noises while trying to move a heavy piece of furniture or something...that's how it usually is, right? They try to confuse you, and make you think they're having-'

"AAAAHHH...DEEPER...DEEPER...DEEEEEEPER!!!! THRUST THAT LITTLE TONGUE OF YOURS EVEN DEEPER INTO MY PUSSY!!!"

"I'M TRYING, I'M TRYING...!!!"

Tsuna's face fell. 'They ARE having sex...'

"Here's a picture of them doing it," Reborn said, popping out of nowhere and holding up a photo of what appeared to be Binachi with her head deep in between Nana's legs.

"OH GOD!!! DON'T SHOW ME THAT!!!!" Tsuna squealed, slapping the photo out of Reborn's little hand.

"Here it is!! Look at it...!!!!" Reborn shouted, shoving yet another picture of Bianchi eating Nana out into Tsuna's face.

"I SAID GET THAT THING OUT OF MY FACE!!!!"


	21. 517 Shoichi X Nana

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn! I do not own the tiny Transformers 2 reference, either.

(1) - I can't believe they actually had Tsuna say this in the english manga...that's what I get for buying volume 12...

A/N 1: BY THE WAY, THIS CHAPTER IS INCREDIBLY GAY UP UNTIL SOMEWHERE AROUND THE 300TH WORD.

A/N 2: ONLY A FEW CHAPTERS LEFT, FOLKS...!!! TWO OF THEM WILL BE LANCIA AND REBORN...JUST SO YOU KNOW...THEY'LL (HOPEFULLY) BE BETER AND LONGER THAN THESE!!

* * *

"HOLY HAM ON RYE WITH KRAUT(1)!!!"

Immediately deactivating his Dying Will Flame, Tsuna rushed over to Shoichi Irie's side. The bespectacled young man had been badly injured by Kikyou's attacks, and although the Vongola had won the battle, it seemed that they would be unable to get Shoichi to a medic in time. He was going to die here.

"Shoichi," Tsuna moaned, clutching the older man to his chest, "Oh...oh god, Shoichi! Please...please...please don't die!!!"

Despite the blood leaking out of the edge of his mouth, Shoichi forced a tiny grin. "Hey, Tsuna...come on...you're a mafia boss...you're not supposed to cry..."

Tsuna sniffled loudly. "S...Shoichi..." he whispered the man's name, silently begging for him not to go.

Slowly, Shoichi reached up and placed a shaking, pale hand upon Tsuna's cheek. "T...Tsuna..."

They stared deeply into one another's eyes for what felt like hours.

"Tsuna...can I...can I tell you something? It's a secret I've kept for so, so long...and now, with my death nearing, I believe it's time to finally tell someone..." Shoichi whispered. He could barely even keep his eyes open anymore.

"Yes?" Tsuna leaned in just a little bit closer, "What...what is it, Shoichi? What could be so important that you chose to tell no one until the time of your demise...?"

Shoichi sighed. "...I slept with your mom back when I was only 15 years old."

Almost immediately, any compassion Tsuna held for the dying man went flying out the window, and he left Shoichi drop to the ground with a THUD. Shoichi let out a groan of pain, but Tsuna looked like he was about to beat the shit out of the poor guy.

"SCREW YOU, SHOICHI. SCREW YOU TO THE HELL." Tsuna snarled. He gave Shoichi a well-placed kick to the ribs before flying off in a huff.

Shoichi chuckled to himself, and then...he died, and went to Robot Heaven. Because he is a robot. Seriously.


	22. Ki7 Kikyo X Nana

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

* * *

Tsuna could not believe his eyes. It had to be some sort of sick prank being played on his already pitiful person, or an optical illusion conceived by Mukuro just to screw with his head. There was absolutely no way in holy hell that he could easily accept what was taking place before him as actual reality. He would sooner commit suicide than believe this. The orange-haired teen actually considered tearing out his own eyeballs with a fork, but that might be going a little over-board, as was the suicide idea. Nevertheless, he was undoubtedly scarred for life. Oh, how he wished he had simply stayed upstairs in his room instead of coming down to greet his mother home after she had returned from her date.

"Mom..."

"Hmm? What is it, Tsuna? I'm a little busy right now!"

"Mom...why are you...WHY ARE YOU KISSING KIKYO?!!"

Nana smiled happily as she pressed her cheek against the chest of her new beloved, and one of the future Funeral Wreaths, Kikyo. "Because, Tsuna, he took me out for a very romantic evening..."

"Indeed I did." Kikyo smirked, "It was rather simple, being a movie and then dinner, but I wouldn't have wanted to spend that time with anyone else but your mother,"

"Oh, Kikyo!" Nana mewled before kissing him passionately on the mouth again.

Unable to take it any longer, Tsuna ran off down the hall in tears. Kikyo chuckled deviously to himself from within his mind; the first stage of Byakuran-sama's master plan to emotionally shatter Tsunayoshi Sawada was now complete...and he got to become acquainted with a lovely woman in the process.


	23. Kawa7 Kawahira X nana

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

* * *

"Do you like...noodles?"

Nana Sawada froze in her tracks and turned towards the local noodle shop that loomed over her very being. Standing in the doorway was a bespectacled young man wearing a yukata over his tall, yet stick-like frame. He was slurping down a large bowl of hot soba noodles at an alarming rate, his chopsticks moving so fast that Nana could barely catch up with her eyes. Upon swallowing, the stranger flashed a wry grin in Nana's direction. For some reason, it was making Nana feel a tad uncomfortable.

"So...do you?" he asked again.

"Noodles?" replied Nana slowly, "Yes...I...I do like them, but I've been busy watching my figure, so I've been avoiding those noodles that are higher in sodium and calories...although my son and his friends love it when I cook it for them!"

"Oh really? You must be a great chef."

"Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say that..." Nana smiled sheepishly.

"I think mothers are the best cooks in the world. Nothing can match up to a good home-cooked meal."

"Well, thank you very much, mister...umm...I didn't catch your name..."

"Kawahira."

"Ah, ok! Thank you very much for your compliment, Mr. Kawahira!"

Kawahira shook his head from side to side, saying, "Oh, it's no problem. Just make sure you let me try some of your noodles some time."

"I sure will!"

-------------

"...Mom, how many times have me and dad warned you about talking so personally with strangers?" Tsuna berated his mother after being told the Kawahira story later that same day.

"Oh, Tsuna, you can't live life being suspicious of everyone! It's not healthy!"

"Yeah, but mom...he followed you home..."

Nana glanced over at the kitchen window and, indeed, Mr. Kawahira was staring in back at her. His eyes were hidden by the glint of his glasses, and he was holding up an empty bowl. Nana felt a shiver crawl up her spine.


	24. 007 Enma X Nana

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

* * *

_Double-0 7: Enma X Nana_

"Oh my goodness, what happened here?"

Nana watched, utterly horrified, as Enma Kozato dragged his aching, injured body into her kitchen. Despite all of the bandages that covered his face, the newly-applied bruises and scrapes were clearly visible, and there was a thin trail of blood trickling down his left arm. The expression in his eyes radiated with a pitiful hopelessness the likes that she had never seen, even in her own hapless son. She quickly rushed over to the poor boy's side to aid him.

"Kozato...what in the world happened to you? Are you alright?" Nana cried. She carefully lead Enma over to a chair at the kitchen table and sat him down.

"I..." Enma coughed a little, "I was just walking home when a bunch of animals attacked me..."

"Was it one of those mean neighborhood dogs?"

"No...it was some squirrels...a couple of chipmunks...three crows...and I think a turtle, too..."

"Did you do something to make them attack you?"

"No...I didn't even see them coming until it was too late..."

Nana was rendered momentarily speechless; this unfortunate lad was even more unlucky than Tsuna! Her motherly instincts now kicking into full gear, Nana hurriedly retrieved the first-aid kit she kept in the coat closet and placed it down in front of Enma. She took out an entire roll of gauze, three boxes of band-aids, antiseptic and alcohol wipes, and much more. She helped Enma clean out the wounds and cover them up, her hands moving swiftly but gently. Enma felt the heat rise in his cheeks as he watched Nana clean away the blood on his arm. Not even Adelheid gave him this much care when she patched up his wounds. It made him feel...loved.

Another half-hour later, and the deed was finally done. "Phew," Nana wiped the sweat from her brow and looked proudly over her handiwork, "That was...that was quite alot of injuries you had there, Kozato, but I think you'll be alright now!"

"T...Thank you, Mrs. Sawada..." Enma stammered, his voice slightly muffled by the strip of gauze over his mouth. Nearly his whole body was covered in gauze and band-aid patches. Although it was a bit difficult to move properly, Enma was glad that the gauze kept Nana from seeing the scarlet-red blush that had now adorned his face. Staring back at the older woman made his heart race, and for once it wasn't racing because he was afraid of being killed by wild animals or angry Mexicans or the like...it was racing because he found himself enjoying being near Nana, but he didn't know just how much he enjoyed it, until-

"Oh...oh my!" Nana's eyes only glanced at Enma's crotch for barely a second before she turned her head away. Puzzled, the boy looked down to see what was wrong.

He had just gotten a boner right in front of her.


	25. Bel7 Belphegor X Nana

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

* * *

_Bel7 - Belphegor X Nana_

There was just something about seeing Nana in such fear, seeing droplets of her blood splatter against the snow-white floorboard...it really excited him.

"Please...please stop...I'm begging you...what is it that you want from me?"

The woman's words were garbled by her own sobs. She had been scratching at the wall behind her so hard, so desperately, that her fingernails were starting to fall off. Belphegor took a step towards her; he reveled in her fear. She continued to plead for mercy, but all it did was get on the prince's nerves. He drew the jagged, red tip of the knife close to her face, and like always, it shut her up. Bel smiled that wide, maniacal smile of his.

"You're pretty."

"...Eee..."

"You're really pretty. I always believed a woman's physical beauty goes downhill after giving birth and all, but that didn't seem to happen to you, you perky little bitch..."

He touched her left cheek ever so gently with the knife. Then, without warning, he began to drag the blade's sharpened edge along her soft, pale skin, drawing blood in the process. Tears were leaking from Nana's eyes, pouring steadily down her face and onto her sweater. More and more blood continued to pour. Belphegor began to cackle with glee. Nana's lips, trembling, mouthed out her desire for him to stop, and he did, just as the knife had reached her earlobe of course. With a thin, clean cut going across one side of her face, Nana was bleeding profusely, and she looked like she might lose consciousness soon. Still, that wasn't enough for Bel.

He wanted to cut her more, make her bleed more, cry more...suffer more. The very thought of seeing her mutilated and bloody made him want to tear off all her clothes and fuck her like an animal, but he didn't. He wasn't that kind of guy. He loved Nana, but in a very special way...the way that only showed itself when he was feeling merciful enough to give her food or water. The rest of the time, he was just crazy to make her bleed. Unlike his many past victims, Nana's blood was pure, sweet and simple.

He didn't have much time to play around, though; Vongola Tenth would find him soon. Bel had to finish things quickly...


	26. Vendice7 Vendice X Nana

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

* * *

_Vendice7_

"EYYYAAAAAGH!"

Tsunayoshi Sawada was awoken in the middle of the night by a high-pitched scream. He instantly recognized the scream as belonging to his mother, Nana. He hadn't heard the sound of glass breaking or the door slamming open, so he didn't know if someone had broken in or not. Nevertheless, he couldn't just sit around while his parent was in trouble. Quickly throwing on his X-Gloves, Tsuna went into Dying Will Flame mode with the use of one of Basil's pills and darted to his mom's rescue. He knew he would have to act fast, so his mom wouldn't be able to see that he was the one with the glowing fists and flames pouring out of his forehead. However, the young teen was in for quite a surprise when he arrived at his mom's bedroom.

Instead of being attacked by a local rapist or being mauled by some super-intelligent grizzly bear, the woman was being pulled with a chain around her neck by three tall, imposing figures with top-hats and bandages wrapped around their faces. Tsuna recognized them; they were the Vendice, the masked guards of the deadly Vendicare Prison, where all of those that break Mafia law are forced to go and where they eventually die. None of that was really important, though, since...

"WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING TO MY MOM?" Tsuna cried, feeling a mixture of powerful emotions ranging from heart-stopping fear to uncontrollable rage.

"She must be punished for being far too moe for our tastes..." stated one of the Vendice, although he was blushing so hard that it could be seen even underneath the wrappings.

'T-They're lying!' Tsuna thought, 'They're definitely lying! My mom is moe enough for their tastes, alright; they're in love with her just like everyone else in my life!'

"Tsuna! Help me...!" begged Nana. The poor woman had no idea what was even going on.

"Let her go!"

"Why should we? If you attack us, we'll lock you both into the underwater prison of death for real. I'm sure you don't want that to happen to either you or your beautiful mother here."

Tsuna grimaced; the Vendice knew just what to say to make him have difficulty making a decision. Tsuna didn't want to lose his mother...but he certainly didn't want to die himself. He wasn't sure how he could avoid both possibilities without enraging the Vendice, but no answer came to him. He buried his hands into his palms and sighed. 'I just need to think...I need to think...hmm, maybe I should ask them to give me a bit more time to come up with an answer, and by then I will have a loophole to save everyone's asses! Yeah, that might work...I'll try it! Here I go!'

When he looked back up, the Vendice were gone, along with Nana.

"SHIT!"


	27. 207 Adelheid X Nana

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

* * *

_207 - Adelheid X Nana_

"Oh! Tsuna! Please wait a moment!"

Just before Tsuna had made his way through the door that morning, already a few minutes late to school, his mother called out to him.

"What is it, mom? Did you forget to put something in the lunch you made me?" The teenage boy asked. Nana ran over to him and handed her son a small envelope.

"I need you to give this to one of your friends for me, sweetie."

"...One of my friends?"

"Yes. The transfer students-"

"Oh, from Shimon?"

"That's them! The Shimon transfer students that you became close with lately! That letter is for the really tall girl...you know, the one with the..." Nana placed her hands near her chests and made a groping motion, "the large ASSETS? She looks like she has a pair of basketballs in her shirt? You know the one, right? Her name is Adelheid, from what I've overheard."

Tsuna felt his face grow hot. "A-Ah...you m-mean Suzuki Adelheid...yes, she is the one who fits the description...heh heh heh...oh geez..."

"Good! I'm happy you remember her! She's the one who needs to receive this letter, okay?"

"You want me to give this letter to her? But why? I don't understand, mom."

Nana's cheerful smile suddenly became rather ambiguous as she replied, "That's the beauty of it, Tsuna; you don't need to understand at all. You just have to give the letter to her."

"But-"

"Just do it."

"O-Okay..."

"Alright, have a nice day at school!" And with that, Nana pushed Tsuna out the door and slammed it shut behind him. Tsuna made it about half-way to school when his curiosity regarding the contents of his mother's envelope finally overwhelmed him. He knew he was sticking his nose into someone else's business, but he just had to know what in the world his mom would want to tell Suzuki Adelheid of all people. He carefully opened the letter and overturned it, allowing a piece of paper and a photograph to fall into his palm. He decided to look at the letter first.

'I SAW YOU CHECKING ME OUT LAST NIGHT WHEN YOU WERE ALL HANGING OUT WITH MY SON, AND I MUST SAY THAT I AM INTERESTED IN YOU TOO. WE SHOULD GET TOGETHER SOMETIME. A HOTEL WOULD BE NICE, DON'T YOU THINK? PLEASE DON'T TELL TSUNA ABOUT THIS, THOUGH. I WROTE DOWN MY CELLPHONE NUMBER ON THE BACK OF THE LETTER, AS WELL AS MY ADDRESS IN CASE YOU FORGET. I HOPE YOU ACCEPT MY OFFER, YOU SEXY YOUNG THING.'

Along with the letter was a photo of Nana wearing frilly lingerie while sitting in a seductive pose on her bed.

Tsuna blinked. '...What is this?'

* * *

The next day, Tsuna accepted his role as Vongola Tenth and ordered that the Shimon Family be wiped off the Earth.


End file.
